rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
