5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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