did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
