You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
