i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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