either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
