I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
