Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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