I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
