i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
