you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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