Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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