i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
