What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
