I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
