It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
