I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
