I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
