I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize