Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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