Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
