I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
