I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
