Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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