out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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