I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
