What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
