Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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