In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
