My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
