Umm I'm too high to move.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
