Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
