I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Drake has all the answers
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
