someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
