I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
