i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
