we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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