ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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