we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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