idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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