So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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