It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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