Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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