You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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