I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
