About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize