apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
