How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
