Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
