you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
