That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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