What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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