took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
