i permit you to call me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
