Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
