I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
