foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
