I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
