Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
