i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Jerry, you need to find god
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
