do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
