took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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