Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sext me about skeletons
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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