I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
