He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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