He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
