is your mom at the bar?
You're my little dorito
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
