you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
