so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
