I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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