pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I will be naked everywhere
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
