I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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