Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
