So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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