I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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