I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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