I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
