Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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