I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
